I contemplate the idea of giving up all the time, but that doesn’t surprise me. Because every journey worth taking will at some point, push you to places you don’t think you handle. You’ll want to quit. You’ll want to bow out of the game. Not because you don’t want to continue, but because you really don’t think you have any other choice. That doesn’t mean that the dream you have in your heart isn’t important to you, but you’ve fought so hard and for so long, what you are, is completely worn out.
A journey like this, isn’t easy. It can be likened to carrying a remarkably heavy load up an unfairly steep and logistically challenging hill. In the beginning, the load might feel motivating, empowering, even necessary, but after a period of time much longer than you thought you would ever have to endure, without the results or guarantees of triumph, the load becomes unbearable. Every single step you take, is now a mammoth effort requiring more mental dexterity and physical torque than you have and giving up, not only seems like the most rational option, but the only way to experience any kind of relief.
But journeys like these however laborious, are never wasted. I have learned many lessons from travelling some of my own. Right now, I’m actually caught in the middle of such a time and this is what I’m doing in real time.
When I really feel like giving up but I don’t want to, I’m learning to just stop. At first this feels counterproductive, even quite dangerous. Especially when one’s mantra is “Keep going no matter what.”
But once still, I unstrap the ineffable load that’s currently upon my shoulders and I set it down on the ground beside me.
When I do this, my first reaction is always the same. I didn’t realise how heavy the load was that I was carrying. ‘My God, I’ve been hauling around so much more than I thought.’
I take a long deep breath and then I take another. I’m soon aware of both the stiffness and strain of my exhausted muscles and the new unexpected feeling of freedom in my range of motion.
Then, I look up at the horizon and make eye contact with my Future Self. Her eyes are always filled with nothing but compassion because she knows exactly what I’ve been through, exactly what I’m feeling and exactly what’s at stake.
There are so many things my Future Self wants to say to me in that moment just as there are so many things I want to say her too … none more pressing and heart wrenching then the question “how do I get from where I am to where you are?”
Soon I feel a new kind of determination begin to engulf my body and with it, the reminder of a vast potential within me I’m yet to discover.
I look down at the once burdensome baggage next to my feet and I notice a particular parcel I had forgotten that I was lugging around. Something so intense and cumbersome but now, I’m certain no longer belongs to me. I immediately unhook this object from my load and leave it behind. Without a connection to me it will soon wither away.
I scoop my arms underneath the remaining load and in one heave I throw it upon my shoulders once again.
My load is now surprisingly lighter. I feel stronger, I am rested and the connection to my Future Self is clear in my mind. The idea of giving up recedes into the background and I can now go on.
There’s a difference between making the choice to give up and giving up because you don’t think you have the choice to make. So if you’re currently wedged in the latter, why not try this instead?
Decide what it is that’s most important to you. What is the most precious, most meaningful, worthwhile goal or dream you have for your life and then, do whatever it takes to make that happen. In some instances, that might mean pushing ahead and carrying a lot of incomprehensibly heavy responsibilities upon your uncertain shoulders. But it also might include learning to stop, rest, reprioritise, lighten your load and taking the time to reconnect with your future.
Beautifully written Amelia xxx
Thank you, Emma xx